I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
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