You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
