Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
