I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
