you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
where are my pants?
in the oven.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
