Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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