i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize