I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
how does that bad decision feel?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
