ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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