Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
