I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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