I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
