We won't sleep together?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
