Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
