youre lurking in front of me
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
