it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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