meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
