And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
