I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
