At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize