I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
