I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
