I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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