More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
