My first STD was from a foam party
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
