I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
