somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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