So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
