: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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