The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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