she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize