just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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