Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
