ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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