I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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