i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
its not stalking. its research.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
