Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You're like the curious george of whores
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
