i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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