you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
