Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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