Its about making memories worth repressing
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
