I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
