you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
