I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
