are you still at the devil's house?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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