smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
