I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize