i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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