oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
