I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
