as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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