I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
