you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize