Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
