It was confusing and full of hummus
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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