Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Can Purell be used as lube?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
