He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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