Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
