I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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