Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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