those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
