some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Floor bacon is actually really good
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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