I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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