They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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