You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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