i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
sarcasm needs its own font
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
