So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
