Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I FOUND THE LEGS
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
