I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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