Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
