It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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