Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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