This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
