If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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