Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
