Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
