She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I need to calm my uterus...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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