this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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