also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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