new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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