ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The power of my boobs compel you
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize