He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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